Ever wondered how a dysfunctional relationship could turn into a tsundere-infused rhythm action game? Me neither, but thankfully someone has, because that setup describes Wiseman: No More Breakups. This dungeon-crawling perspective rhythm game sees you battle against other people in your life, as your girlfriend asks you to truly fight for her. Are you up for fighting for love? Or are you just fighting to get your charger for your portal gaming system instead?
Whilst the narrative setup is wild, the rhythm gameplay is much more grounded. If you’ve ever played the Bust A Groove game series, you’ll be right at home. Each bar of music must have a button pressed in perfect timing to the end of the bar of music. Each bar of music will have either 4, 6, or 8 direction symbols to press in the correct sequence before you hit the end of the bar of music. Players don’t need to worry about the timing of these, just that they press them fast enough and in the right order. The only rhythmically accurate press must be that end-of-music-bar button press. Playing on easy mode with 4 commands gets you into the mood of Wiseman, but the 6- and 8-command difficulties take a lot of skill and precision to get right.
Whilst Wiseman: No More Breakups is a short game, each battle demands perfection. Each battle features a character from your family or friend circle, highlighting how much of a terrible boyfriend you are. The dialogue is different for the same battles as you move up the difficulties, making the story richer and more comedic. Your opponents have a health bar, and whilst some battles are normal clashes, where correctly timed inputs hurt your nemesis, others aren’t so straightforward. One opponent only takes damage from perfect hits, not a good or ok rated hit. A couple of characters operate on a mirror chart, meaning up is down, and left is right. This is where the true test of Wiseman manifests. Getting something wrong damages you heavily, and if you lose any battle on the way to the story’s end, it’s game over.
Visually, I love the persona noir style. There are some crazy splash screens for taking damage or hitting your opponent that make you cock your head and wrong-foot you for the next bar of music. Musically, the game is all over the place. The tracks are short and not particularly memorable. Battles are short, though, so a run can take 10 minutes. You’ll never get through medium or hard difficulty the first time, so building your skill is where some of the longevity comes into play. Wiseman: No More Breakups is priced appropriately for its length, and comes in at under £2. I felt I had plenty of fun for the cost.
Stylish, a bit mad, and a bit maddening if you want to clear it on hard mode, this is a fun pint-sized rhythm action game that’s worth the price of admission. I’m still not sure if we’re the good guy or the bad guy, but who cares when fighting for love is this fun.
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