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Sperma – Review

Yes, this is exactly what you think its about. Or is it? Sperma takes the race to fertilisation and turns it into a roguelite. Whilst the ultimate longevity of the game is quite short, it starts out bold and strong with ideas. Sperma sounds more and more like an unsatisfied couples’ sex life the more I type…

Navigating the tight bends early on is tricky as your spermoids veer off course easily.

Each run in Sperma starts off with ‘insertion’. This shows a cartoon phallus inserting and squirting sperm which you’ll need to control. The initial problem you’ll face is that the horde you need to control have their own minds and will spread out in different directions and have the turning circle of a tank. Frankly, they are kamikaze and your first run will end up with them all dissolving into the walls or eggs without reaching the final destination. As you try each run, you’ll collect blue protein collectables and these act as currency to upgrade your spermoids each run. You can increase the load size, their speed, closer formation huddle and turning circle and these all in turn make them easier to control. After 4 or 5 runs you’ll be at the point where you’ll be hitting the egg you’d like to fertilise and so long as enough sperm reach it, you’ll fertilise it. A hallelujah musical cue rings out and you’ll see if it was a boy or girl.

Finding protein and reaching your goal as fast as possible will enable you to upgrade your next batch.

Whilst funny at first, the actual game mechanics are quite sound and hint at a decent gameplay loop. The main problem is that of course, a women’s reproductive system is the same shape and so there is only one level to complete. You can unlock different coloured penises and sperm but that’s about it for replayability. There is a personal and global counter on the main menu which is tracking how many times all Sperma players are inserting and fertilising which is a nice metric but ultimately, once you’ve played the game once, there’s little reason to return.

Sperma is more like a one night stand than a full blown affair. You’ll get an hour out of it before you’ll park it never to return. Look beyond the smutty premise and the idea here is actually a good one, it just needed more variety and variations which sadly, the premise itself limits. Did make me chuckle though.

Final Thoughts
Much like a drunken one night stand, Sperma's fun ends far too soon.
Decent gameplay loop has potential.
Global stat tracking is a nice addition.
Upgrades make very tangible differences.
You'll always have to do a few runs by design so its never a true skills test.
Only one layout with zero variation means Sperma gets old quickly.
No replayability after the first completion.
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